Hollywood Hijinks!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 10 up! Complete! Kelly gets humiliated on TV in this special epilogue! Suggestions needed badly! RR Please!
1. Announcement!

Hollywood Hi-jinks!  
  
Author's Note: Hey Folks! L1701E is here and back once again with a brand new fic! This time, the Misfits go Hollywood! Check it out!  
  
To RogueFanKC: Don't worry. I don't plan to break the Misfits up. Remember, Wanda and Pietro said they might want to join the Avengers someday. That does not necessarily mean anytime soon.   
  
Chapter 1: Announcement! The Misfits will be in a movie!  
  
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"Man, that movie was a stinker!" Pietro groaned. The Misfits had just left a theater in Bayville.  
  
"I don't get it." Blob shook his head. "I just don't get it. Why'd that usher stop us from throwing food at the screen? Even he thought that movie was terrible!"  
  
"Well, at least Toad and Al found a way to keep themselves occupied." Lance grumbled, pointing at the couple. One could notice that Todd had lipstick all over his face.  
  
"What?" Todd shrugged his shoulders. Paul was signing an autograph for a pretty blonde girl.  
  
"Here you go." Starchild grinned, handing the autograph to the girl.  
  
"OmigodOmigodOmigod!!" She squealed, jumping up and down excitedly. "Oh thank you thank you thank you! You Misfits rule! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" She ran down the street, screaming excitedly. Craig watched the scene with a yawn. He had slept through the movie.   
  
"Paul, you'll never quit." Craig groaned.  
  
"You know what I don't get, guys?" Pyro grumbled. "The fact that they got mad after I set the film on fire. I mean, a movie that bad should be ablaze."  
  
"The fact that the people were cheering for you didn't help your case for some reason, John." Wanda snickered.  
  
"You think that the people in charge of a theater would know a good movie." Althea sighed as she looked in her wallet. "Ten bucks down the tubes." She glared at the others. "And this was originally supposed to be just me and Toddles here."  
  
"We were bored. Sue us." Pietro shrugged. "Give us a break. We let you two make out in peace!"   
  
"Good think Kitty didn't come. I would've hated to bring her to that borefest." Lance sighed. "Who directed that monster of a flick."  
  
"Someone named Dirk McGee." Xi made himself visible. "If that was cinema, I do not like movies anymore."  
  
"He probably didn't have a decent writer." Paul replied. "The writer was probably some hack. Hard to believe that was the same guy who directed Evil Space Chickens from Dimension X I, II, III, IV, and V." Starchild shook his head in shame.  
  
"Yeah those Evil Space Chicken movies were great! Where'd he go wrong?" Pietro wailed.   
  
"I have never seen the Evil Space Chicken movies before." Xi replied.  
  
"What?" Lance asked in shock. "Please tell me you're kidding, Xi."   
  
"The Space Chicken films are great!" Wanda snapped. "I never will forget the part in Chickens III where Ted finally confessed his love for Samantha."  
  
"And he did it while slaughtering seven chickens with a chainsaw. It was so beautiful!" Althea teared up.  
  
"Yeah, wait………" Pietro looked at Paul. "I remember in Chickens II, there was a scene where the chickens attacked a school. Now when I think about it, one of the kids in that scene looked a lot like you, only without a birthmark." Quicksilver noticed. Paul put up his hands in a dramatic manner.   
  
"It's true!" Paul wailed, purposely overacting. "I was an extra in Evil Space Chickens from Dimension X II. I was a kid then. I did bit parts in movies and I was in some commercials." Paul then let out his trademark grin. "I also was an extra in Terminator 2. In the scene at the arcade. My movie resume right there." Starchild shrugged.  
  
"If the X-Girls find out Paul, they'll scramble to get their hands on those movies." Xi said plainly.  
  
"Xi, they re-released the Evil Space Chicken series on DVD." Althes told the snake-like mutant. "We gotta get it!" The Misfits ran off.   
  
"Y'Know, I have heard rumors that they are making an Evil Space Chickens from Dimension X VI." Craig remembered. "I read about it on a movie site."  
  
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(Hollywood, California.)  
  
"CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT!!!!!!" A man screamed into a megaphone. He was a muscular man with a thin moustache and black hair. He looked to be in his late 30s. "Ugh. This picture is turning into a real disaster." He didn't notice an assistant walk up to him as he slumped down in his chair. "It was never this bad when I directed the first five Evil Space Chicken movies."  
  
"Maybe what you need is new blood. New heroes for the Evil Chickens to try and destroy." The assistant, a teen with messy semi-long blond hair suggested. The elder man glared at him. "Just suggesting, Mr. McGee." The director looked ready to throttle the young man when his eyes flashed with inspiration.   
  
"That's it!" Dirk McGee realized. "New heroes! That's it! The chickens have tussled and gotten their feathered butts kicked by Ted Johnson and Samantha Gaines for the last five films! They need new opponents. A new challenge…" McGee's eyes flashed again when he laid them on a newspaper. It was open to a headline: "Misfits Beat up Senator, No One Cares". Underneath it was a picture of the GI Joe-trained mutants beating up Senator Kelly. "THAT'S IT!!!" He jumped in the air. "Get me the Misfits! I must have the Misfits in this film!" McGee ran off to make some calls, dragging the assistant behind him. What he didn't notice was that a cell phone he left behind started emitting an odd green glow. A shadow appeared to leap out of the device, and turned into a certain teenage Dreadnok.  
  
"So, the Misfits are goin' Hollywood, aye?" Virus said to himself. "This'll be a hoot." He looked at the headline. He sneered when his eyes went to Todd. "I'll be here Tolensky, and I'll get what's rightfully mine."  
  
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(The X-Mansion)  
  
"HEEEEELP MEEEEEEE!!!!" Jean Grey screamed as she ran down the hall, a boa constrictor made of water after her. Xi and Multiple watched the chase.  
  
"Althea's improving." Multiple said to Xi.  
  
"Mmm." Xi nodded in agreement. "Her hydrokinesis has improved greatly since John joined the team."  
  
"Yeah. I never thought I'd see Althea make things out of water like John can make stuff out of fire." Jamie sighed. "I wish I had a cool power like Pyro and Wavedancer." Jamie moaned. "It's not fair." Rogue was about to walk by, but Jamie didn't notice. "I mean, what kind of power is being able to create copies of oneself anyway?"   
  
"At least you can control your power." Rogue sighed as she walked by. "Ah wish Ah could kiss Paul…" She moaned.  
  
"I thought Forge was working on a way to control Rogue's powers." Xi said.  
  
"He keeps forgetting to get around to it. Don't tell Rogue, though." Jamie snickered. "She'll pound the Absent-Minded Inventor into next month if she does find out." Unfortunately for the two, and especially for Forge, Rogue overheard.  
  
"That lyin' little…" Rogue growled as she stomped to his room, fists clenched. Several seconds later…  
  
"OWWWWW!!!!! OW! OW!!! OWWWWW!!!!" Forge stomped out of his room, sporting numerous bruises. He stopped when he saw a shocked Multiple and Xi.   
  
"Who blabbed?" He growled. Xi and Jamie looked at each other, then at the Inventor.  
  
"Scott." They said together. Forge nodded and stomped off.   
  
"OWWWWW!!!! OWWWWWW!!!! OWWWWWW!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR YEOWWWWWWWWW!!!!" Scott screamed.   
  
"That was close." Jamie wiped some sweat from his eyebrow. Xi nodded in agreement.  
  
"Hey Xi! Jamie! Look what I got!" Paul ran up to the two mutants, holding a letter. "Gather the others!" A few moments later, the X-Men and the other Misfits had gathered in the Common Room, and Paul eagerly read them the letter. "…Sincerely, Dirk McGee."   
  
"So let me get zis straight. Dirk McGee has asked you and ze other Misfits to star in Evil Space Chickens VI?" Kurt scratched his head. "I do not believe it."  
  
"I don't believe it either." Lance said. "The Misfits in a movie."   
  
"It's bound to be a flop." Scott grumbled. "The first Evil Space Chickens movie to bomb at the box office."  
  
"Stop it Scott!" Jean scolded. "If Paul's in this movie, it's only going to be a hit!"   
  
"Yeah, because I'm going to be his leading lady." Tabitha smirked.  
  
"You? Ha!" Rogue laughed. "It's obvious that Ah'm more qualified for the job." The southerner flipped her short hair arrogantly.  
  
"You can't even touch him!" Jean snapped. "I think I would look perfect in a scene with Starchild."  
  
"Oh please! Knowing you, you'd drown Paul under your own ego!" Amara groaned. "However, Paul and I would look together in a scene."   
  
"I dunno." Kitty said matter-of-factly. "I think Paul and I would look great in a scene."  
  
"YEAH RIGHT!!" The other X-Girls hollered. They immediately started arguing. The other X-Men and the Misfits groaned.  
  
"Paul, we really need to talk." Lance groaned.  
  
"I hate that Starchild." Scott muttered.  
  
Looks like the Misfits will be in a movie! What'll happen? What'll Virus do? Will the X-Men be involved in the movie too? Find out! Suggestions needed badly! 


	2. Preparing to Arrive!

Hollywood Hi-jinks!  
  
To RogueFanKC: Thanks for the suggestions, dude! Man, you really do have it in for the X-Boys, huh? Don't worry, Virus and Zanya will try something to get their hands on Wavedancer and Starchild.  
  
To Red Witch: Tell Althea that Virus will get hurt badly in this story.  
  
Chapter 2: Preparing to Arrive!  
  
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"We're goin' to Hollywood, hey! We're goin' to Hollywood, hey!" The Misfits happily sang. They were on board a GI Joe carrier jet, heading to LA. Their adult handlers were with them. The kids were clad in civilian clothes, but they always had their uniforms handy, just in case.  
  
"I'm gonna set a real movie set on fire! This'll be fantastic!" John whooped happily.  
  
"LA. Home sweet home." Shipwreck smiled as he looked out the window. "I wonder how Jesse is doing." With the crazy sailor was Barbecue, Bulldog, Lionheart, Cover Girl, and Low Light, all clad in civvies themselves.  
  
"Hey, you said the kid turned out to be an X-Positive, right?" Low Light remembered.  
  
"Yeah. Jesse can create reflective forcefields." Shipwreck replied. "They work like a mirror. They reflect attacks back at their source. His powers emerged when he was attacked by a bully. Jesse's fields made the bully punch himself." Althea overheard.  
  
"Hey guys!" She whispered. The other Misfits crowded around their leader. "My cousin Jesse has an X-Gene."  
  
"Wasn't he kidnapped by Cobra and brainwashed once?" Craig asked. "Something to do with explosive crystals. Dusty told me about it." Althea nodded.  
  
"According to dad, Jesse can create energy fields. Like a force shield, but they can reflect attacks like a mirror reflects light. I should catch up with Cousin Jesse. Convince him to join the Misfits. I did tell him about you guys."  
  
"Let's keep this quiet from the X-Geeks." Lance said. "Don't let them know." Althea nodded in agreement.  
  
"Like heck if any cousin of mine ends up an X-Geek." Al nodded.  
  
"What if he doesn't want to join?" Paul asked. While the Misfits were conversing, the adults were conversing as well.  
  
"I remember the last time we helped out with a movie. That sleazebag director didn't give us any credit at all." Cover Girl groaned. Lionheart squealed happily.  
  
"I can't believe that I'm going to be in a movie!" The Englishwoman laughed happily. She nudged her brother. "I wish Mum was here to see this. She always wanted to go to Hollywood." Bulldog dropped his head sadly.  
  
"I know. Every day of my life, I wish she was here." Bulldog sighed.  
  
"Cheer up, Bulldog." Barbecue smiled. "They're fun to be had and fame to be enjoyed."  
  
"And I'll bet that we would look fantastic going down the red carpet together." Lionheart blew a kiss at Barbecue. The Boston native glared at Lionheart's older brother.  
  
"Why'd you have to bring her?" Barbecue groaned. Bulldog snickered.  
  
"To keep you on your toes, my friend." Bulldog laughed.  
  
"I'll bet you're dreaming of going down the red carpet with Storm, huh?" Cover Girl smiled. The London-born pilot blushed.  
  
"That's a statement a lady should never say to a gentleman." Bulldog turned his gaze to the ceiling. Cover Girl laughed.  
  
"If I were any other woman, I'd say that you were crazy."  
  
"Bulldog's obsessed with knights. King Arthur and all that." Lionheart laughed. "He believes in chivalry and all that."  
  
"Hey Bulldog, maybe they'll do an 'Evil Space Chickens in London' sometime. You can star in it." Low Light teased. Bulldog groaned.  
  
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"Zanya, get back here!" Zandar's voice yelled over a bike-board intercom. Zanya herself was on a motorcycle, riding to the studio where 'Evil Space Chickens VI' was being filmed. "Zanya, your old man is going to kill me if he finds out you're gone!"  
  
"Uncle Zandar, I have to be in this movie! I can't stand the thought of any other girl in a role beside my beloved Paul."  
  
"That silly crush you have on that Misfit is going to spell the end of you!" Zandar yelled.  
  
"Sorry, Uncle Zandar." Zanya smirked. "True love can't be stopped."  
  
"Oh give me a break! You really think he ca-" Zandar was interrupted by Zanya's shutting off the radio.  
  
"Hang on, Starchild. Your true love is on her way!" Zanya sped off. She stopped at an alley near the studio. She met up with another teen Dreadnok. "Hey Virus."  
  
"About bloody time you showed up!" Virus snapped impatiently.  
  
"You know what we want." Zanya snickered.  
  
"You're after your precious Starchild." Virus muttered.  
  
"And you have a psychotic fixation on Wavedancer. I don't know why. I'm much more better-looking than her." Zanya quipped. "How's your new powers?" Virus's powers recently underwent another mutation: In addition to his power to possess machines, the British teen gained a mutant inventing power, similar to Forge's mutant power.  
  
"I like 'em." Virus smirked. "I modified one of the robots they use to play the Space Chickens. I put a few surprises in it. All I have to do is leap inside and work my magic. I'll show that Tolensky." Virus's eyes glowed electronic green with rage. "I'll show him. No one stands in the way of the Virus, especially when he wants something!"  
  
"Hey psycho-nerd, can I ask you something else?" Zanya groaned. "I also want you to take out the X-Geek Girls. They think they can take the heart of my Starchild!"  
  
"Whatever." Virus may have been crazy, but he was smart enough to know never to insult Paul around a girl who had a thing for him. He and Zanya then used their ninja skills to sneak inside the studio.  
  
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"I must admit." Ororo smiled as she piloted the X-Jet. "It is interesting to see a movie being made. And it'll be good to see mutants as the heroes. Even if they are the Misfits."  
  
"Yeah." Logan looked behind him from the next seat. The X-Men were with them. The X-Girls were squabbling the whole trip. It all started from when the quintet asked Paul who he thought which of them would be perfect in a scene. From his film experience, he replied that it really depended on the scene and the mood of the film. Of course, the X-Boys were grumbling.  
  
"Hey, Paul told us that LA is where Jenny Walters is from." Sam remembered.  
  
"Hey, maybe if we're lucky, we'll see her!" Roberto sighed, hearts flying around his face. "Jennifer.caramia."  
  
"Oh please! She likes me, man!" Sam grumbled.  
  
"No way, dude! She obviously likes me. There was a spark. Big time!" Ray grinned.  
  
"She likes guys like me. I'm cool, man. In more ways than one." Bobby snickered, icing up his fist to make his point. At this point, the four male New Mutants started squabbling. Jamie sighed.  
  
"Shipwreck told me about his cousin Jesse. I'd like to meet him. See if he's got any talents I can market. Singing, acting, that kind of thing." Jamie grinned. He was wearing another suit that looked stolen from Elton John's wardrobe. Logan shook his head and the Canadian turned to Storm.  
  
"Where does that kid get those weird outfits?" Logan groaned.  
  
"Giorgio Armani!" Jamie yelled good-naturedly in response.  
  
"Kid, I didn't want to know." Logan said to Jamie.  
  
"We're here." Storm said. The two airplanes landed in the studio. McGee was amazed by the Blackbird.  
  
"Remind me to feature that plane in a scene." McGee whispered to an assistant. The young man nodded in response. McGee walked up to the mutants. "Welcome to Grandiose Pictures! The home of the Evil Space Chickens!"  
  
"Great." Logan rolled his eyes.  
  
"I see you Misfits are excited." McGee smiled. Lance shot Scott a rude gesture, and Craig flipped Hank a gang warning sign, a gesture he learned while a member of the Man-Eaters.  
  
"Charmed, Darkstar." Beast sighed.  
  
"I'm sure you're wanting to start filming." McGee grinned.  
  
"Oh yeah." Pietro laughed. "Bring on the spotlights, baby! Pietro Maximoff has hit Hollywood!"  
  
The Misfits have hit Hollywood! Will the movie be a hit? What'll Virus and Zanya do to sabotage the flick? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly! 


	3. Plans and craziness!

Hollywood Hijinks!  
  
To Red Witch: I had no idea the episode that featured Jesse was that old. Ah well.  
  
Chapter 3: Plans and craziness!  
  
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"So, what's the plot of the movie?" Althea asked McGee.  
  
"It's set a couple years after the events of Chickens V." McGee explained. "Ted and Samantha married and moved away from Diamond City."  
  
"Actually, they married at the end of Chickens V." Paul interrupted.  
  
"Right." McGee nodded. "Anyway, the King of the Space Chickens wants revenge on the couple, but he has no idea that they're gone. So, he has his chicken army attack the city. It falls up to a quartet of rock musician mutants to stop them alongside the Misfits."  
  
"So, who's the band?" Lance wondered. Jamie overheard and smiled.  
  
"I know who'll make the perfect quartet." Multiple smiled as he walked up to McGee. "My boys: Lance Alvers, Craig Starr, John Allerdyce, and Paul Starr: The Superstars! The world's first all-mutant rock band." He gave McGee a business card. "James Madrox, manager of the Superstars. Now, if you want my boys to star in the movie, they gotta have songs on the soundtrack."  
  
"You heard the man." Paul grinned.  
  
"That's a good idea!" Althea laughed. "Pietro, Wanda, Xi, Todd, and myself can be the Misfits for the movie, and Lance, Paul, Craig, and John can be the band in the movie."  
  
"What about us?" Trinity asked in unison.  
  
"You three will be in as well." Althea groaned.  
  
"Claudius, let go of my head!" John yelled, trying to get Little C gently off his head. The seal-like baby had latched himself onto Pyro, putting his flippers over his eyes. The baby squealed and laughed as John jumped around.  
  
"Unca Johnny funny!" Claudius squealed.  
  
"Get him off! I can't see what I'm setting fire to with him on my head!" John pleaded. "Not to mention his claws! He'll scratch me!"  
  
"Calm down, John." Althea walked up to a blinded Pyro. "Okay baby, Uncle John needs his eyes now." Claudius razzed as Althea pulled him off Pyro's head. "Claudius and Barney adore you, John."  
  
"Do they know when not to show it?" John groaned.  
  
"Hug me Unca Johnny." Claudius reached for John. Pyro shook his head with a smile.  
  
"Be good, and I'll teach you and your brother how to set fires." John grinned.  
  
"Ooh boy." Althea groaned. "Where's Beaky?" The Misfits looked around, until they heard a scream.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!!! THERE'S A CHICKEN THING ON THE CATERING TABLE!!!"  
  
"BAT!!"  
  
"Uh-oh." All the Misfits said together. They ran to the catering table and saw Barney defending a plate of gummi worms.  
  
"Bat! Bat! Bat! BAAAAAAT!!!!!" Barney swung his bat at anyone who came within two feet of the candy worms.  
  
"Okay Barney, let the people have hey watch it! Don't hit me, yo! C'mon!" Todd carefully grabbed a crying Barney.  
  
"He wants the gummi worms." John pointed out the obvious.  
  
"Ya think?" Craig groaned. John was holding Claudius, eyeing his new claw fingers warily. The woman who screamed, a fat ugly hag with gray hair, glared at Beaky.  
  
"Creatures like you belong in a zoo!"  
  
"Up yours, lady!" Todd snapped.  
  
"This is my baby brother, you hag!" Al snapped. Bulldog noticed the scene, Davey Boy behind him.  
  
"Is there a problem here?" The British Joe asked.  
  
"Yeah, Bulldog. This old hag said Barney belongs in a zoo." Wanda replied. Beaky razzed the lady.  
  
"He's harmless, madam. Only a baby." Bulldog reassured.  
  
{Yeah, and he's much better lookin' than you, lady!} Bulldog barked, making the Englishman snicker.  
  
"Hhmph." The lady walked away, muttering.  
  
{What an old cow.} Davey Boy barked to Bulldog. The Misfits looked at the Englishman.  
  
"He just called that lady an old cow." Bulldog explained.  
  
"Ah." The Misfits nodded.  
  
"Hey Paul!" Tabby smiled as she walked up to Starchild. "Guess what? I'm playing one of the band's groupies in the movie." Jamie walked up to the Misfits, cell phone on face.  
  
"Look, tell Paris and Nikki I'll find a role for them in the movie. I'm only human, man! Yeah. Oh, and Paul says hi. Tell 'em he's been busy. Well, he is a mutant superhero/rock musician." He looked at the Misfits, and held up his index finger in a "Wait a sec, please" manner. "Yeah. Look, I get results. This band will blow up like an H-bomb, baby! And so will this movie. C'mon, this is Evil Space Chickens! Many hail these movies as the chicken version of 'Attack of the Killer Tomatoes'! You never saw that movie. Man, you never lived. That movie is awesome."  
  
"You know the Hilton Sisters?" Pietro whispered to Paul.  
  
"We've met." Paul whispered back.  
  
"Is there anyone you don't know?" Wanda whispered in amazement.  
  
"I don't know that guy on Will and Grace." Paul grinned.  
  
"Okay, people! Let's get into costume! We're going to film!" McGee announced.  
  
"Into costume, huh?" Lance turned to Jamie, who had just hung up. "Hey Jamie, you got our Superstar costumes and makeup?"  
  
"Of course." Jamie replied.  
  
"Then what're you standing around yappin' for? Go get them!" Craig snapped. Jamie gave a mock salute and ran to get the outfits (A/N: See "A Day in the life of Paul Starr.")  
  
"You know, Kitty thinks you did look cute in makeup." Tabitha laughed. Lance blushed.  
  
"I can't help the fact I admire Ace Frehley. Okay?" Lance replied. "Besides, the first solo I ever learned was "Rock 'n' Roll All Night"."  
  
"Yeah, I first learned to play to "Detroit Rock City."" Paul grinned.  
  
"I wonder if Spirit's leg has healed up." Wanda remembered. On a mission a while back, Spirit had gotten injured, which explained his absence at this time.  
  
"I checked on him before we left. He'll be fine." John grinned.  
  
"That would explain why he was screaming about his cast being on fire." Quinn laughed.  
  
Oh, Johnny. Never stops with the fires. Anyway, can the mutants avoid disaster? Yeah, and Spider-Man wears green. What will Virus and Zanya do? Who knows. What about the adults? Find out in the next chapter!! Suggestions needed badly!! 


	4. Filming and Sabotage!

Hollywood Hijinks!  
  
Chapter 4: Filming and Sabotage!  
  
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Paul, Craig, Lance, and John walked to the first set, clad in their Superstar costumes and makeup. The set was supposed to be a retro-themed club, complete with light columns and fancy graffiti on the walls. There was a stage, with neon tubes in the back, and four instruments sat on that stage: An orange drum kit decorated with silver and black flames, a black axe-shaped bass guitar, a white B.C. Rich Warlock, and at the center, a purple Paul Stanley guitar. Craig smirked at the sight of his bass.  
  
"There you are." He grabbed his bass.  
  
"Jamie brought the instruments!" Lance smiled. "Man, I love having him as a manager."  
  
"Okay." McGee walked in alongside Jamie. "Before I bring the kids in..."  
  
"I used my major skills to bring local LA kids here to see the Superstars." Jamie grinned. "As you know, the Misfits are well-known. LA is especially fond because in Paul and Craig, they have two hometown boys on the team. As you know, people would react interestingly to an all-mutant rock band."  
  
"I heard one preacher say we were doing Satan's work on the street." Pyro laughed. "I set his car on fire."  
  
"Way to promote the band, John." Lance rolled his eyes with a snicker.  
  
"Okay." McGee blinked. "Anyway, you guys perform a song in the beginning scene."  
  
"This'll be good." Lance laughed. "Who's playing our adoring fans?"  
  
"Tabby, Amara, Kitty, and some blue-haired girl. Name's Tanya, I believe." Jamie laughed. "Jean and Rogue were not happy. I had to knock 'em out with that chop you taught me, Paul."  
  
"Okay, now what song shall we play to entertain our crowd?" Lance asked. Paul suggested one, and the other three Superstars and Jamie went nuts.  
  
"NO, PAUL!! NO!! NOT THAT ONE!!!" Craig yelled.  
  
"Remember last time, Paul?!?!" Lance yelled. "The last time we played that song, a riot erupted!"  
  
"Every girl within earshot of your voice went into a freakin' frenzy!" John added. "We barely got out alive!"  
  
"Paul barely got out with clothes on." Jamie semi-quipped.  
  
"C'mon, relax." Paul grinned. "That'll be our biggest hit."  
  
"It's a cover we agreed never to do again live." Pyro groaned.  
  
"Look, McGee wants a huge reaction, right?" Paul pointed out. "When we cover that song, we get a reaction."  
  
"It's too intense! This studio will never survive it!" Lance snapped. But Paul had made up his mind. Lance had to give up. "Alright, we'll do the song. I'm warning you Paul. As a teammate, as a musician, and as a friend. This'll result in chaos." Craig threw his hands in the air in defeat, with a grunt. Pyro sighed.  
  
"We might as well."  
  
"Get an escape route ready, McGee." Pyro warned the director. The four teens walked away. McGee turned to Jamie.  
  
"What was that all about?" McGee asked Jamie. Jamie sighed.  
  
"Just do as Darkstar says. That song they're talking about has a powerful effect on women when Paul sings it." Jamie shook his head. His cell phone rang. "James Madrox, talk to me." He listened for a sec then he got mad. He started roaring into the phone: "DUDE, NOT NOW!!! I MIGHT LOSE MY FOUR BEST CLIENTS AND YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE COLOR OF ROSES IN A BOUQUET?!?! AND SOME SAY MUTANTS ARE HEARTLESS!!!"  
  
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An hour later, the teenage fans, promised a Superstars concert, had gathered. The only major changes made to the club set was the fact that there was a marquee on the stage. It was of a 5-pointed star in four colors: Purple, Black, White, and Orange. The star was under the first "S" in the Superstars' logo. The lettering of the word was in the style on the Kiss logo. Also, a security wall got erected near the stage. One could notice that Tabby, Kitty and Amara were there as well, alongside a girl with long dark blue hair.  
  
"So, tell us about yourself, Tanya." Amara said. The disguised Zanya spoke in a Valley Girl accent.  
  
{The things I have to do to get my Starchild away from these hussies.} She thought. "Like, it's such a total thrill to be in this movie! Especially if the Misfits are in it. That Starchild is soooo cute! Like, my friend Rachel totally adores Pyro. I think he's nuts."  
  
"Don't we all?" Amara sighed under her breath. {Man, I remember when I was forced to baby-sit the Mojo-created tiny version of him. He kept looking at my hair funny. He even asked me if he could set it on fire.}  
  
"Like, that Starchild is a total dreeeeeeamboat!" Tanya squealed.  
  
"He sure is." Tabby sighed in agreement. A big double-jointed crane arm was over the set. At the head sat the cameraman, and McGee. Jamie was sitting with them.  
  
"Okay, kids! The Superstars will be performing in the first scene, and I know you're all excited!" McGee called into a megaphone. "I want you all to give them a great, positive reaction!"  
  
"With the song they plan to play, you'll get a reaction alright." Jamie sighed.  
  
"Bring them out already! I wanna see my Paul!" Tabby yelled up.  
  
{YOUR Paul?!} Zanya seethed. However, she was able to hide her feelings in her disguise.  
  
"We Want the Superstars! We Want the Superstars!" The local kids started chanting. McGee smiled.  
  
"Oh yeah, this is great." The director smiled. "Huh?" He noticed Jamie put a hard hat and a pair of earmuffs on the cameraman, and he put the same two items on McGee. "What's this for?"  
  
"Trust me. You'll need 'em." Jamie quickly put on his stuff. The Superstars jumped on stage in their costumes and makeup, making everyone cheer. "Wait for it."  
  
"Lights! Camera! Action!" McGee barked. Paul put on his guitar and grabbed the mike.  
  
"Hello, LA! It's great to be back home!" Paul smiled, making the girls swoon. The guys started cheering, knowing from these four, they'll get some great hard rock. Paul turned to John. The nutty Aussie sighed.  
  
"Here goes nothin'." John said under his breath. "Let the riot begin." He raised his head. "A 1! A 2! A 1-2-3 Hit it!" John, Lance, and Craig broke into the opening notes of a Kiss classic: "Love Gun." The cheers intensified.  
  
"Oh no." Jamie sighed. "Paul, don't open your mouth and sing aw who am I kidding?" Jamie got ready for what would happen next.  
  
"I really love ya baby/I know what ya got..." Paul sang, and every girl there went into an absolute frenzy. Virus watched this while possessing a spotlight.  
  
"Bloody amazing! How does he do it?" Virus muttered. "And where's that Tolensky? He's a dead Toad. He's a really dead Toad. Thinks he can...Whoa. It's getting a little hot in here. And I can't leap out here in front of all these people. I'll get caught by the Misfits! Sheesh, Zanya must be losing her touch. I haven't seen a costume that cheesy since Cobra's last Halloween party. Man, why'd the Baroness have to dress like THAT on that night? I had nightmares for a week!" Virus then noticed something: As Paul sang the song, the girls' screams and frenzy went up into a fever pitch.  
  
"This is great!" McGee whispered excitedly.  
  
"This is bad. This is very bad." Jamie shook his head. "Oh no!" Tabby blew up the wall, allowing the girls to rush the stage after one particular band member.  
  
"Whoa!" Lance fell off the stage, landing on his butt. "Ow!"  
  
"Hey!" John leapt out of the way barely in time.  
  
"Yipe!" Craig dived off the stage, risking breaking his nose. "Not again!"  
  
"We gotta get Paul outta there! He'll suffocate under that dogpile!" John realized. What no one realized was that Zanya, still in her disguise, was dragging a dazed Starchild away, grinning wildly and happily.  
  
"I'm outta here!" Virus quickly leapt out of the spotlight onto a nearby catwalk. "It's obvious Tolensky ain't here." He muttered as he ran away. "I'll kill Tolensky. He thinks he can take my woman? He's got another thing coming!"  
  
Well, the first day of shooting went well. What'll happen next? Where's Zanya taking Paul? What'll Virus do? And what'll happen to everyone's favorite Toad and everyone's favorite Starchild? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly! 


	5. Movie Madness!

Hollywood Hijinks  
  
Hey folks! Here's another chapter! But first, some responses to my reviewers:  
  
Red Witch: Oh, you are right about one thing. Let's just say Zanya won't be able to keep her hands on Paul for very long. And tell Althea that Virus will get hurt. I just need time. And BTW, I have seen the Spy Troopers movie. I definitely did not like how they characterized Beach Head. It would've been no fun tormenting him if he was so acting like a surfer dude. But I thought the character of Hi-Tech was cool. I might bring him in if I learn more about what he does.  
  
RogueFanKC: Glad to see ya! You can't really blame Paul for the riot, though. Sometimes he tends to not get what's going on, even when he's being yelled at in his face. BTW, I will torture the X-Boys some more, and in a way, I did drive two X-Girls crazy when they didn't get to play groupies, so hope that helps!  
  
Wizard1: I'm glad you love Jamie as a manager! That guy has more connections than a Lego model! And Hollywood will never be the same again! BTW, thanks for reviewing "Birth of a Juke Box Hero". Believe it or not, I was inspired to create Kid Razor by 80s rock videos and my favorite pro wrestler, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. If you ever see him wrestle, check out his ring gear. It's basically Razor's costume, except I added the heavy metal T-shirt, and I replaced the broken hearts with razor blades. And BTW, don't worry. Virus and Zanya will get their plans blown up in their faces. PLEEEEEEASE UPDATE THE MUTANT MASSACRE!!!!  
  
To JCKIDSMART: Good to hear from you. Glad you like my story! I have written more! Check out my profile and review 'em!  
  
Chapter 5: Movie Madness!  
  
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"Man, that was a fantastic shoot! What a great way to start the movie!" McGee laughed as he walked out of the studio, Jamie walking beside him. The young mutant's jaw hit the ground, and his eyes nearly bulged out of his glasses.  
  
"HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY FREAKIN' NUTS!!!" Jamie yelled. "THOSE GIRLS RIPPED THE SET APART!! PAUL IS GONE!! AND TABBY AND AMARA THREATENED TO BLOW ME TO TINY PIECES AND ROAST MY REAR IF I DON'T FIND HIM!!! AND DON'T ASK WHAT THEY SAID TO THE OTHER GUYS!!!"  
  
"Relax, James." McGee coolly replied. "I'm sure he's fine."  
  
"What are you on, man?" Jamie shook his head. His cell phone rang. "Yeah? Hey, it's the HBK! How ya doin'? You saw Kid Razor's costume, huh? Yeah, he's a fan. Big one. I wouldn't get mad if...Oh, you're not mad. You get the thing behind it." Jamie rubbed his head. "Well, he's isn't one of my talents. I haven't been able to get his contract. I know him, but not that well. I think he would be interested in wrestling. You'll have to ask him, though. Yeah, I got the Avengers' number. Just ask for Razor." Jamie closed his cell phone. "I just got a phone call from Shawn Michaels." He shook his head and smiled. "Kid Razor's gonna be so jealous."  
  
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"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!" Scott roared. He and the other three X-Boys stomped down the hall. Scott was dressed up like Todd, Remy like Lance, Piotr like Blob, and Ray got disguised as Craig. "WE HAVE TO BE THEIR FREAKIN' STUNT DOUBLES!!!!"  
  
"Gambit not want to break into movies like dis." Remy sighed.  
  
"Jamie said it was the best he could do." Peter sighed.  
  
"I am going to KILL Multiple when I get my hands on him!" Scott growled. He then let out a sigh. "It could be worse. I could be subbing for Starchild. That would really be a nightmare." Jean giggled as she noticed them.  
  
"You four look adorable." She laughed. "Who's Paul's stunt double? I mean, I would be very sad if Paul got hurt."  
  
{I HAVE GOTTEN HURT A LOT SINCE PAUL CAME INTO MY LIFE AND SHE DOESN'T CARE A LICK!! WHY IS FATE DRVING ME CRAZY LIKE THIS!?!?!?!} Scott screamed mentally. {AND JAMIE IS GOING TO DIE!!!} Scott's target happened to walk into the room. He burst out laughing at the four boys.  
  
"Man, you guys look like perfect stunt doubles!" Jamie laughed. Unbeknownst to him, Virus was watching.  
  
{There's that bloody woman-stealing Toad!} Virus growled under his breath. {You are going to die, Tolensky} He had no idea it was Scott in the guise of Toad. He pulled out a piano wire from his pocket. {I hope you like being choked out quick, pal. I'm gonna take you out for good, then get what's rightfully mine.} He waited until Scott was alone. Scott happened to be leaving to go to get himself a snack. Virus slowly crept up on him.  
  
{You're gonna die, Toad...I'm gonna get my beloved prize...} Virus grinned insanely as he snuck up on Scott. "YAAHHHH!!!!!" He wrapped the wire around Scott's neck, and tightened. "I'll teach you to steal my woman!" Virus cackled as he choked Scott.  
  
"GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Scott knocked Virus with a headbutt, the turned around, throwing off his wig. "You idiot! Who are you!!"  
  
"You're not Toad!" Virus snapped. "Why're you dressing up like him?"  
  
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't blast you!" Scott snapped.  
  
"I thought you were Toad!" Virus exclaimed.  
  
"Why're you after Toad?" Scott wondered.  
  
"Because he has something I want." Virus growled. He then gave a longing sigh. "He stole my beloved Althea away from me."  
  
{This idiot has a crush on Althea?} Scott raised an eyebrow. {Man, he is nuts.}  
  
"It was on an island when I first laid eyes on that beautiful mermaid." Virus sighed happily. "I knew right then and there she was the one for me. That was, until I found that Toad had her heart." Virus started shaking with jealous rage. "I discovered my beloved was fawning over that frog! He's a bloody frog! What does she see in him? I'm so much better than he is!"  
  
"Tell me about it!" Scott grumbled. "I have a girlfriend, but she fawns over this other guy. She fawns over that freakin' Starchild! I HATE HIM!" An evil idea formed in Virus's head.  
  
"You know mate, I feel for ya." Virus grinned. "What do you say you and I team up? You help me with my Toad problem, and I help you with your Starchild troubles."  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"Oh come on, guv! You and I both know you hate the Misfits! Wouldn't you enjoy the chance to take one out forever?"  
  
"I suppose..."  
  
"I mean, it's Starchild. The one who breaks hearts just by looking at them! He stole your bird's love! Don't tell me you're gonna stand there and let him get away with her heart!"  
  
"YEAH!" Scott agreed. "Buddy, you got a deal! What do they call you?"  
  
"Vincent James." Virus grinned. "But my friends call me Virus."  
  
"Why Virus?"  
  
"I'm a mutant like you. I can possess machines, and I recently gained a talent for inventing." Virus snickered.  
  
"Alright, but you'd better be ready." Scott warned.  
  
"Ready for what?" Virus wondered. "OWWWWWWW!!!!!" Scott blasted Virus with his optic rays.  
  
"Starchild has a talent for making plans backfire." Scott snickered as he walked away.  
  
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"Wakey wakey, my beloved..." A voice purred into Paul Starr's ear. The mutant known as Starchild awoke to find himself in an old set. It was a mansion set from an old 1930s flick. Paul was laid across the staircase. He looked up to find a familiar face.  
  
"Hey, you're Tanya! That girl from the set!" Paul realized. The blue-haired girl smirked.  
  
"Starchild, I am hurt." She said in a familiar voice. She ran her hand through her blue hair, pulling it off. It was a wig, revealing her familiar green hair. Paul's eyes widened as he realized her true identity.  
  
"Zanya!" Paul yelped.  
  
"Are you surprised to see me?" She cooed.  
  
"What are you doing here, Zanya?" Paul got up.  
  
"Oh, Starr..." Zanya cooed, wrapping her arms around Paul's neck. "Now you know that I couldn't stand the thought of seeing one of those X-Hussies have you. That's why I came here, so we could be together in the movie. I knew your heart ached for me." Suddenly, a potted plant slid up above them, smacking Zanya squarely in the head, knocking her out. Paul placed her on a chair.  
  
"Hoo boy." Paul sighed.  
  
Man, things just get weirder and weirder? What'll become of this strange alliance between Scott and Virus? What just happened here? Can the movie be made? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly! 


	6. More Movie Madness

Hollywood Hijinks  
  
Alright! Another chapter! Here's some responses to my readers:  
  
Red Witch: Two words: "Star" and "bucks". Keep reading my stories! (You and RogueFanKC have reviewed all my Misfit stories) Virus and Zanya together? I don't think it'd work. They're both crazy, but Zanya's crazy in love with Paul, and Virus is too obsessed with Althea. BTW, how do you put out a chapter a day?  
  
RogueFanKC: Storm chasing Shipwreck? Yeah, right. And the potted plant? Maybe it was an X-Girl, maybe it wasn't.  
  
Wizard1: Jamie definitely will need a vacation after this. With his connections, he'll be able to go anywhere on earth. As for Razor having Jamie as a manager, I dunno. It's up to him, really. BTW, about Scott willingly working for a Dreadnok: At this point, the X-Men have no idea about Virus's existence, much less the fact he's a Dreadnok. I am working on ideas for a Misfit Halloween fic (The Avengers will be in it too). I hope you get a new chapter of the Mutant Massacre up. I recently got my hands on an X-Men guide, and it's got details of the Morlock Massacre in it (Angel got badly injured, causing him to lose his beloved wings, and Gambit played a role in the massacre, which he always regretted). As for catfights, you might see a couple.  
  
Chapter 6: More Movie Madness!!  
  
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"Now what do I do?" Paul sighed as he looked at the unconscious Zanya. "If Zanya's here, then trouble's not far behind."  
  
"Hi, sugah." A southern-accented voice purred into his ear. Paul turned around to see Rogue.  
  
"What're you doing here?" Paul scratched his head. Rogue laughed.  
  
"Ah was hopin' to see you." She glared at Zanya. "Until a certain green- haired wench decided to stick her nose where it didn't belong."  
  
"Look Rogue, If Zanya's here, who knows what's going to happen. I mean, she's a Dreadnok. Her uncles and aunt can't be too far behind." Paul reasoned. Rogue nodded in agreement.  
  
"Perhaps, sugah. But what would Cobra want with a movie studio?"  
  
"I dunno, but we gotta find the others and warn 'em!" Paul ran off. Rogue watched for a second, before turning to an unconscious Zanya.  
  
"That's what ya get for tryin' to take mah man." Rogue smirked before turning around and following the sensational Starchild.  
  
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Standing in the set of a futuristic meeting room, McGee was talking to Pietro, Wanda, Althea, Xi, Blob and the Triplets.  
  
"Okay, now in this scene, we meet the Misfits for the very first time. How do you like the costumes they made for you?"  
  
"I like mine." Althea smiled, looking over her blue bodysuit with a black stripe down the middle and a wave on the chest.  
  
"I wasn't too fond of mine until I found out I had a cloak and hood." Wanda smiled, looking over her red costume with a long red cloak. One could also notice she had a funny-looking red crest on her head. She pulled a red hood over her head, and grinned widely. "Now I can look scary!"  
  
"Ahhh, this is me." Pietro grinned. His costume was a high-collared bodysuit, with a silver lightning bolt crossing the chest from his left shoulder to his right hip. The costume was light blue above the lightning bolt, and dark blue below it. His boots were white. "Style, flash, and flair. So Pietro Maximoff." Xi and Blob were wearing modified versions of their regular costumes.  
  
"I still do not understand the point of this 'acting' stuff." Xi scratched his blond hair, which was slicked back and placed in a ponytail.  
  
"When you act Xi, you get to...to...to..." Fred struggled to find the words. Pietro opened his mouth, but a glare from Wanda made him close it quick. "Well, Basically it's a blown-up version of playing pretend."  
  
"Ah." Xi nodded in understanding.  
  
"This machinery looks so fake." Quinn sniffed.  
  
"I hope Jamie can get us a real gig." Daria giggled.  
  
"Where'd Lance, Craig, and John go?" Brittany wondered.  
  
"They're looking for Paul." Althea laughed. "Tabby threatened to blow them to bits. Wanda did some convincing of her own to get Craig to look for Paul." Wanda shrugged.  
  
"All is said is I wouldn't leave him alone about our date until he found him." Wanda grinned.  
  
"He activated his telepathic bond faster than Quicksilver on caffeine could run!" Blob laughed.  
  
"No kidding." Xi agreed with a smile.  
  
"BLOB!!!" Piotr roared, walking on set.  
  
"Demanding divas." Wanda snickered. Colossus glared at the Scarlet Witch for a moment, then turned to Blob.  
  
"Why do I have to be your stunt double?!" He stomped his foot. "You don't need one! You're practically invulnerable!"  
  
"I'm a movie star. It's a requirement." Fred grinned.  
  
"I hate you." The Russian seethed.  
  
"Okay, get the girly man off the set, we gotta film!" McGee ordered to his crew.  
  
"I AM NOT A GIRLY MAN!!" Pietro yelled.  
  
"Not you, stupid! He's taking about Colossus!" Althea snapped, pointing at the Russian.  
  
"Hey!" Colossus yelled.  
  
"Isn't Lionheart and Barbecue in this scene?" Toad realized. They heard a man's yell.  
  
"LIONHEART, YOU PERVERT!!!!! QUIT PEEKING IN MY TRAILER!!!!" Barbecue yelled.  
  
"SHIPWRECK!!!! YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!!!!" Bulldog hollered. "GET OUT OF MISS MUNROE'S DRESSING ROOM NOW!!!"  
  
"Is it always like this with you Joes?" McGee asked as a brawling Bulldog and Shipwreck appeared in his line of vision.  
  
"Actually, this is rather calm for them." Wanda shrugged.  
  
"BULLDOG!!! LET GO OF MY EAR!!! YOU'RE GOING TO RIP IT OFF!!!"  
  
"JOHN, DON'T SET THAT ON FIRE!!!" Lance's yell rang out.  
  
"Whoo-hoo hoo hoo hoohahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!"  
  
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High up above two movie sets, there was a tightrope strung. Virus grumbled as he stood on one of the sets, holding an anvil.  
  
"This should take out Starchild. Then that moron Summers can destroy that loathsome Toad." He saw Paul walk up to a point under the tightrope. "Victory!" Virus started to walk across the tightrope, but the weight made him come down to Paul's level, tensing the tightrope on the way down.  
  
"Hi Virus." Paul waved nonchalantly, continuing on his way. Rogue followed a second later.  
  
"Sugah, wait for me!" Rogue called as she followed. Virus threw down the anvil.  
  
"What in the name of..." What Virus realized was that since he dropped the anvil's massive weight, the stretched tightrope was able to whip itself back to its original position. "Uh-oh." With a BOING, the tightrope resumed its normal state. "YEEEEEEEEOWWWWWWWWW!!!!! SUMMERS WASN'T KIDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!" The whiplash momentum threw Virus into the air, smacking him through the roof of the studio. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" He went through the ceiling again on the way down, landing flat on his face. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!! Man, this is what that moron Summers goes through every day? Oh well, I can take stock in the fact he has no clue of my true allegiance." He then heard a very loud Australian-accented voice.  
  
"SALLY STRUTHERS IS GONNA EXPERIMENT ON US!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"  
  
"JOHN, PUT THAT FLAMING 2x4 DOWN NOW!!!"  
  
Man, things are going wild now! What'll happen next? What'll be Zanya's revenge? How come John hasn't set anything ablaze yet? Will the Misfits' movie debut be a hit? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	7. Even More Movie Madness!

Hollywood Hijinks  
  
To Red Witch: Now you know why I'm a tea-drinker. So that's your chapter secret. I mostly write at night. As for your 'blooper takes', I will take it into consideration. Hope you have fun in Jersey! Pick up a Bon Jovi shirt for me please!  
  
RogueFanKC: Yeah, John's fires have gotten more premeditated lately. I think he's trying to tell us something. (John: KATHY BATES IS COMING TO MAKE US INTO SANDWICHES FOR HER PICNIC ON THE MOON!!!!) Ooooh-kay, I think John needs to sit down now.  
  
JCKIDSMART: I'm glad you like the story and I hope you continue to read the others I wrote. Check out a new one I did called "Halloween Hijinks!" It's a Halloween fic, full of madness, with the Misfits, and the Avengers! (At least, my roster.)  
  
To Wizard1: The Sally Struthers thing was just one of the products of John's badly mis-wired mind. I hope you include the Starr brothers in those cameos. This'll be a great way for the X-Men to learn about Virus, huh? Well, enjoy the fic.  
  
Chapter 7: Even More Movie Madness!  
  
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The streets of a modern-day metropolis. A peaceful little city, where people got along, and the sun shined every day. Suddenly a scream pierced the tranquility. People ran when they saw the creatures. They were chickens, horribly mutated chickens. They were around six or seven feet tall. Their squawks were like a combination of your average chicken and a siren. Their wings looked like feather-covered human bodybuilder arms, with wings. Their feathers were white with green tips on the wings. Their talons were almost metallic. They had burning red eyes, and sharp-toothed beaks. They were the Evil Space Chickens from Dimension X. Alien chickens from another planet and dimension, intent on conquering Earth for its vast supply of corn.  
  
A teenage boy with white, almost silvery hair, was watching this from a table of a café. Along with him was a figure covered in a red cloak and hood. At the sight of the chickens, the boy threw off his trenchcoat and hat, revealing a high-collared costume in two shades of blue with a silver lightning bolt slashing across his chest. The cloaked and hooded figure perked up slightly.  
  
"I guess we have to work now, huh?" The figure asked the boy. Its tone showed the figure was female.  
  
"You got that right, sis." The boy smirked. The cloaked figure stood up and pulled back her hood, revealing a teenage girl, with collar-length black hair (A/N: I'm assuming Wanda let her hair grow out somewhat since joining the Misfits), and a two-pronged crest on her head. Her costume left her arms and shoulders bare, but she wore long red fingerless gloves. "Let's go fry some chickens. Wait a minute. That line is so cliché."  
  
"CUT!!!" Dirk McGee yelled into the microphone. "Quicksilver, quit the commentary." Wanda Maximoff smacked her twin brother upside the head.  
  
"You dummy! You made me look bad!" Wanda snapped. "My part was fantastic!"  
  
"Well you didn't need to hit me." Pietro whimpered. He got another smack upside the head. "Ow!"  
  
"Okay, get the cybernetic chickens back to position and WHAT THE--?" McGee yelled. Colossus crashed through the set. He looked like he was fighting for his life. What he was fighting was a very angry Kitty Pryde. The phaser had her arms firmly wrapped around the huge metal-skinned Russian's neck, choking the big lug. Since he was considerably taller than her, Kitty's legs dangled, looking rather comical. Peter struggled, but he couldn't get Kitty off him.  
  
"HELP ME!!!" Colossus yelled.  
  
"I'LL TEACH YOU, RASPUTIN!!! LAY A HAND ON MY BABY, HUH?" Kitty screamed. She was referring to Lockheed.  
  
"I WAS SET UP!!! I WAS SET UP!!! THE MISFITS SET ME UP!!!" Peter screamed desperately as he tried to get his windpipe open. "I WASN'T TRYING TO FLUSH LOCKHEED DOWN THE TOILET!!!" The screaming Russian staggered away.  
  
"That Rasputin causes nothing but trouble. That's the third set he's wrecked." McGee groaned. Pietro watched the whole thing with a deadpan look.  
  
"Colossus can lift the X-Van with one hand, but he can't get Kitty off him. Super strength is one weird power." Pietro quipped. Wanda struggled to keep a straight face.  
  
"Man, I'm glad I don't have it." The Scarlet Witch burst out laughing.  
  
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"Man, this prop room is full of neat old stuff." Shipwreck grinned. He, Cover Girl, Lionheart, Roadblock, and Low Light were looking around at the props. Low Light laughed as he picked up a fake newspaper. He read the headline: Tomatoes beat up Senator.  
  
"This would be funny if it happened to a certain jerk." The sniper chuckled. It was obvious who he was referring to.  
  
"Hey, this is neat!" Roadblock put on a fez. "With this, my style can't be beat." Lionheart rolled her eyes. The catlike Englishwoman squealed with delight when she found a prop.  
  
"Oh my God!" She held up a black cowboy hat. "My favorite actor wore this hat in "Horses on Fire!" Oh my God!" She sighed happily. "Robert McQueen...What a gorgeous beast! I met him once. But for some reason, these huge burly guys dragged me away from him. The next day in the mail, I got a letter saying I couldn't come within 300 feet of him. What a way to play hard-to-get." Lionheart pouted. Cover Girl shook her head in disbelief.  
  
{Lionheart getting a restraining order. Why am I not surprised?} The ex- model thought to herself. She added under her breath: "Barbecue, you attract the wrong type."  
  
"I wonder if Barbecue would find me attractive in this hat?" Lionheart put the hat on, and posed in front of a mirror. "I think he'd find me irresistible."  
  
"Yeah, and whales are the size of guppies." Shipwreck laughed.  
  
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"I can't believe I'm doing this." Ray groaned. He was on a motorcycle in his Darkstar costume. "Why am I doing this again?"  
  
"In this scene, Darkstar drives the motorcycle up the pile of crates over the exploding car in an attempt to get away from the chickens." McGee explained.  
  
"Not me. I don't run. I would've stayed and fought them." Craig said to the director.  
  
"It's just a movie, Darkstar." McGee told Darkstar. Craig only snorted. "And action."  
  
{I'm gonna die} Those words repeated themselves over and over in Ray's mind as the motorcycle was guided at high speed. He flew over the car just as it exploded, but he got set on fire. "YEEEEEOWWWWW!!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME!!!! IT BURNS!!!! IT BURR-HURR-HURR-HUURNS!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
"CUT!! GET THE MEDICS!!!" McGee yelled. Craig burst out laughing.  
  
"Typical X-Man. Always screwing up." Darkstar snickered.  
  
"Oh God, I think my skin's coming off!" Ray screamed.  
  
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"Man, I can't believe I have to do this." Scott groaned as he looked at the scene. It was a beach, with a volleyball set up.  
  
"Okay. In this scene, Todd leaps out of a building, chickens shooting lasers at him. The Superstars..." McGee motioned to John, Paul, Craig, and Lance. "Happen to be playing volleyball with some girls here." McGee set the scene. He motioned to Tabby, Amara, Kitty, and Jean, clad in beach wear. "Since Tanya disappeared, I have had Jean take her place. Anyway, Todd runs to the beach, where the Superstars help him deal with the chickens." Paul telepathically contacted Craig and told him about his sighting of Zanya.  
  
{What? Zanya's here! Aw great!} Craig's voice groaned in Paul's mind. {If she's here, then the Dreadnoks are not far behind.}  
  
{I know. What do we do, bro?}  
  
{We'll tell the others about this after the shoot.} Craig replied. {For now, act normal.}  
  
"Okay, everyone to your places!" McGee said. Everyone went to their places. "And Action!"  
  
"Spike this, boys!" Jean taunted, serving the ball and blowing a kiss at Paul. It was four-on-four, boys vs. girls. Todd ran into the scene, lasers firing behind him.  
  
"Look!" Lance pointed. The Space Chickens squawked as they ran, firing lasers from their eyes.  
  
"Girls, get to where it's safe!" John ordered. While the scene was shooting, Scott was aiming a bazooka at Todd.  
  
"Now I'll fulfill my bargain." Scott locked on. However, a stray laser from the chickens hit the bazooka, making it explode! "OWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Man, Scott always ends up on the receiving end of the back of fate's hand! What'll happen next? Will any more disasters happen during the movie? Who'll get blown up? How does McGee keep his sanity? Find out in the next chapter! 


	8. Disaster on the set!

Hollywood Hijinks!  
  
To Red Witch: Hope you had fun on your vacation!  
  
To RogueFanKC: Yeah, Scott's been on the receiving end of a lot of slaps on the face from fate. Ah well, what can you do? (Scott: Killing off Avalanche and Starchild would be nice. At least in the normal comics, Starchild doesn't exist!)  
  
TO JCKIDSMART: I UPDATED!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?! ^_^ Just kidding. Do you have any suggestions for my story? I'd like to hear them.  
  
To Wizard1: Yeah, Pietro tends to have a tough time with keeping his big mouth shut (Wanda: Preach on, L17! You have no idea). I thought the costumes Wanda and Pietro wore in the comics were much better than their Evo outfits. I hope you do find a way to fit the Starr Brothers into "The Mutant Massacre". I wish I could submit the Starr Brothers to Marvel.  
  
Chapter 8: Disaster on the set!  
  
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"Okay, Remy..." McGee patted Remy's shoulder. "In this scene, Lance Alvers is on an out-of-control bus, and he has to get the heck off it before hits that tanker truck and the space chickens on it."  
  
"Why do Gambit have dis feeling dat he gonna get blown up?" Remy groaned as he entered the bus. McGee happily sat on his seat, Lance with him. Jamie was with them as well, yelling into his office/cell phone.  
  
"Hey, not my fault!" Jamie roared. "Don't blame me for the fact that the rubber chicken acted better than you, Keanu! Don't start! Look, a drunken Courtney Love could act better than you! You did the Matrix flicks, you're set for life! What're you worried about?! Sheesh. Goodbye, dude." Jamie sighed as he closed his phone. "Man, I think we need one more Bill and Ted flick."  
  
"Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures! I loved that cartoon when I was a kid!" Lance smiled. "Ahhh, memories. I loved the movies, too. I used to do a fantastic impersonation of Keanu Reeves in the role of Ted."  
  
"His best role ever in my opinion." Jamie snickered. Lance nodded in agreement.  
  
"Okay you two, let's do this." McGee ended the conversation.  
  
"Gambit too young to fry..." Remy moaned as he entered the bus. "Dis had better be worth it, Alvers."  
  
"Relax, you big Cajun baby. Nothing will happen." Lance grinned.  
  
"I heard Ray got set on fire." Jamie whispered. Lance raised an eyebrow.  
  
"John?" He whispered back.  
  
"No, pyrotechnics too powerful."  
  
"Okay, action!" McGee called.  
  
Three of the Space Chickens were jammed under a tanker. Lance Alvers of the Superstars (Gambit in a Lance disguise), had jumped into a nearby school bus, hoping to ram the tanker, making it explode and finishing the chickens off. Lance turned the ignition, and gunned the gas pedal.  
  
"Say hi to Colonel Sanders for me!" Lance called out (It's actually pre- recorded) with a roar as he drove the bus. He put a rock on the pedal, and leapt out of the bus as it rammed the tanker. The tanker truck exploded, roasting the screaming space chickens.  
  
"CUT!!! THAT WAS GREAT!!!" McGee called. Remy walked off the set with a smirk.  
  
"When Remy hot, Remy hot." Gambit grinned as he threw off the Lance wig and walked off.  
  
"Uh, Remy..." Jamie pointed. "You're on fire, man." Jamie noted that Gambit's coat was on fire. Remy turned around, not noticing.  
  
"Of course." Remy shrugged. He walked away further, then turned around quickly. "WHAT?!"  
  
"He's on fire!" A bunch of assistants swarmed the Cajun mutant, knocking him down and stomping him repeatedly in an attempt to put out the flames.  
  
"OW!! OW!! HEY!!! WATCH DE FACE!!! HEY OW!!! WATCH IT OW!!! OW OW OW OW OW!!!"  
  
"Hoo boy." Lance shook his head in disbelief.  
  
"I have a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad feeling about this movie." Jamie groaned. "I have a feeling Remy, Scotty, Ray, and Peter are going to end up leaving this movie on stretchers."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"Aw man..." Zanya held her head. Virus had found Zanya laid out on a chair. He was helping her out of the set. "No way a plant could slip out off that balcony unaided! I bet it was one of those X-Hussies, out to get their claws on my man!" Zanya started growling. "I will get those good-for- nothing wenches."  
  
"You think I had fun?" Virus groaned. "I tell you, Lady Luck smiles on Starchild."  
  
"What?" Zanya said.  
  
"Oh, I made a deal with the X-Man called Cyclops. He's the nerd with the visor. A real wuss in my opinion. Anyway, I made a deal with him. He'd take out Tolensky for me, and I'd take out Starchild...for...him..." Virus ranted, until he realized what he was ranting. He turned and saw that Zanya was mad. Really mad. "Uh oh."  
  
"I'd run if I were you." Zanya growled, clenching her fists.  
  
"Yipe!" Virus ran off. "Help me!" Virus was being pursued by an incensed Zanya, fists in the air. "I forgot! I forgot! I FORGOT, YOU BLOODY MAD WOMAN!!!"  
  
"I AM GOING TO SMACK YOU INTO NEXT YEAR FOR THIS, VIRUS!!! YOU HAD BETTER HOPE NOT ONE INCH OF MY BELOVED STARCHILD IS HURT!!!!" Zanya hollered.  
  
"This is all your fault, Tolensky! I'll break you for this!" Virus growled. "I'll break every bone in your slimy frog body, starting with your back. I'll make sure you'll never be able to lay your filthy hands all over my beloved mermaid. As God is my witness, I will RIP YOUR WOMAN-STEALING HEART OUT OF YOUR PATHETIC LITTLE AMPHIBIAN BODY!!!!!"  
  
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"Okay, now in this scene, The Misfits meet up with the Superstars for the first time." McGee explained. The entire Misfit team was there.  
  
"Craig thinks your new costume's nice." Paul whispered to Wanda. He knew this because of his telepathic link with his brother. Craig's face turned red.  
  
"Paul, shut up!" He snarled. Paul only responded with his trademark million- dollar grin. Lockheed flew into the scene, and landed on Paul's shoulder.  
  
"Hey dude." Paul stroked Lockheed's chin.  
  
"LANCE!!!!" Peter stomped onto the set. "I AM GOING TO BREAK YOUR NECK!!! YOU SET ME UP!!! I NEARLY GOT CHOKED TO DEATH BY KITTY THANKS TO YOU!!!"  
  
"Not my fault you hate dragons." Lance snickered.  
  
"Huh?" Paul wondered. Lockheed glared at Peter. The little dragon flew up to Colossus and bit him. Evidently it was not happy with Peter trying to flush him.  
  
"OW!!!" Colossus angrily grabbed the dragon. "If you do that again, I'm going to..."  
  
"KITTY, PETER'S TRYING TO ABUSE LOCKHEED!!!!" The Misfits called, taking the opportunity. Peter's eyes widened.  
  
"MAMA!!!!!!" Lockheed screamed.  
  
"Oh shoot!" Peter ran outside at top speed. A few seconds later, the sound of screams and a jackhammer on metal was heard. "OWWWWWW!!!!! KITTY!!!!! I WAS FRAMED!!!! I WAS SET UP!!!!! OW!!!! NO NO NO NOT THAT OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"  
  
"Oh brother." McGee groaned. "I think we're all in big trouble."  
  
"You think?" Althea sighed.  
  
Man, the hilarity never ends! Will Peter be able to survive an angry Kitty? Will the movie be made? What will Virus and Zanya do for revenge? Find out in the next chapter! 


	9. Final Shot! Thank Goodness it's Over!

Hollywood Hijinks!  
  
To RogueFanKC: Yeah, who knows how these people get this stuff. Let's just say never threaten Lockheed, or else the Incredible Kitty's gonna lay you out! (Kitty: *cuddling Lockheed* Aww, did that big jerk Peter scare my widdle baby?) Yup, Kitty loves her dragon. *gets nuzzled by Lockheed* Dragons like me.  
  
To JCKIDSMART: Oh, I plan to humiliate Kelly in another way ^_~. It will be funny, so don't worry about it, my friend.  
  
To Wizard1: Yep, never mess with Kitty. (Peter: I was set up! I get framed, and I get my entire skeletal system rearranged by her! Ow.) Yeah, Virus does tend to be a bit of an airhead at times (Virus: Zanya hit my head. Can Althea kiss it better?) I hope Craig don't catch up with you. (Craig: PRAY ALL YOU WANT, WIZARD1!!!! I'M COMING FOR YA!!!!!) Hey Craig, don't take too long. (Wanda: Yeah, I need my kitty back!)  
  
Chapter 9: Final Shot! Thank Goodness it's Over!  
  
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"Alright, kids. This is the final scene." McGee pointed to an on-location set: A closed-off street in Los Angeles. The Misfits and the X-Men were there.  
  
"Man, it's good to be home." Paul smiled as he looked around. He noticed an emptied grocery store. "Hey, this is where I used to get my chocolate milk from all the time!" Paul smiled happily.  
  
"He has a craving for chocolate milk." Craig shook his head. "Recondo always has to buy a couple gallons to keep Paul happy."  
  
"I've been drinking chocolate milk since I was five." Paul grinned. "Milk does a body good."  
  
"I'll say." Tabby sighed.  
  
"Paul, you'd be fantastic in a public service announcement." Lance snickered.  
  
"I hope we do not have to do anymore stuntwork." Peter groaned, rubbing his neck. Kitty snorted. "Katya, I keep telling you! The Misfits set me up!"  
  
"At least Lance never tried to flush Lockheed down the toilet." Kitty put her nose in the air.  
  
"The pose of the typical X-Geek." Wanda snickered.  
  
"But Lance and Craig set me up!" Peter exclaimed.  
  
"I saw you, Peter!" Kitty snapped. "I saw you holding Lockheed by the neck and trying to stuff him down the toilet."  
  
"Craig put me in a trance!" Peter snapped. "You've seen what people look like under the Starr Brothers' trance! Their eyes glow purple! My eyes were glowing purple!" Colossus screamed.  
  
"Quit trying to frame Paul's brother, you...you...you dragon-abuser!" Kitty huffed. Colossus groaned, throwing his arms in the air. Lance laughed.  
  
"Man, what is your problem with dragons?" Lance snickered.  
  
"Yeah. Lockheed did nothing to you, but you were so violent to him. Why?" Craig smirked.  
  
"You two know about being violent, you thugs!" Peter snapped.  
  
"At least I never tried to flush Kitty's dragon down the toilet." Craig shrugged. "I may be a hot-tempered person who tends to be overly violent, but at least I can say I was never stupid."  
  
"And I have done some dumb stuff in my time, but I never did anything THAT dumb." Lance snickered. McGee watched in amazement.  
  
"You don't want to know, man." Jamie told him. "The whole Lance/Kitty/Peter thing has more twists and turns than the cheesiest soap opera." He muttered under his breath: "Geez, can't she make up her mind?"  
  
"Anyway, in this scene, the Misfits induct the Superstars into the team." McGee explained. "Are the world's first all-mutant rock band ready?"  
  
"In costume, and waiting." John cackled. He and the other three members of the Superstars were clad in their band costumes and makeup.  
  
"Paul's so cute in his costume." Rogue sighed. Remy turned red.  
  
"Gambit hate that Starchild..." Remy growled.  
  
"Why are the X-Men here then?" Scott wondered.  
  
"Well, you guys are extras in the crowd of people watching." McGee explained. "You see, the Misfits, with help from the Superstars, the world's first all-mutant rock band, have defeated the Evil Space Chickens from Dimension X. In the process, the band has become heroes."  
  
"Yup, this is a movie." Roberto sighed under his breath. "No one ever considers a mutant a hero in the real world."  
  
"Alright, everyone ready! Bring in the extras!" McGee announced. But suddenly, a laser blast came from nowhere. The X-Men and Misfits turned around and saw one of the animatronic Space Chickens. This one was heavily modified, though: It had armor around the chest, a spiked helmet, and what appeared to be a pair of multi-pod missile launchers on its shoulders.  
  
"What is that?" Storm wondered.  
  
"Hey, who messed with my chicken?" McGee yelled.  
  
"I did." A mechanized British-accented voice came from the chicken.  
  
"Virus!" Althea growled.  
  
"Yep, my daring Althea. It's me." Virus replied.  
  
"Who is that?" McGee asked.  
  
"Virus." Paul explained. "He's a Dreadnok. The guy works for Cobra. He's a mutant, like us. He can possess machines."  
  
"More than that now, my glam-rocking friend." Virus laughed. "My powers mutated. I now have this little knack for gadgetry."  
  
"That's my power!" Forge realized.  
  
"Aw, Summers..." Virus said in a disappointed tone. "I thought we had a deal." Everyone turned to Scott.  
  
"You made a deal with a DREADNOK?!" Craig snapped.  
  
"I didn't know!" Scott exclaimed.  
  
"Yeah, the dumb nerd did." Virus laughed. "He promised to take out that filthy Toad for me if I took out Starchild for him."  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" The X-Girls roared angrily.  
  
"I see you weren't able to fulfill your part of the deal." Virus snickered.  
  
"Remy, you'd better not be in on this." Rogue shoved a fist in Gambit's face.  
  
"REMY KNOW NOTHING!!! REMY KNOW NOTHING!!!! REMY SWEAR TO GOD HE KNOW NOTHING!!!! PLEASE NO HURT GAMBIT BECAUSE GAMBIT KNOW NOTHING!!!!" Remy cowered.  
  
"Ray, if you know anything about this, I am going to..." Tabitha snarled.  
  
"I KNOW NOTHING!!!! I KNOW NOTHING!!!! SCOTT'S AN IDIOT AND I KNOW NOTHING!!!" Ray screamed in fright, covering himself up. Kitty shot a withering glare at Peter.  
  
"KITTY, I SWEAR TO GOD AND ON MY DEAR GRANDMOTHER'S GRAVE, I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THIS!!!! DON'T HURT ME OR SIC YOUR DRAGON ON ME!!!! PLEASE!!! BELIEVE ME!!!! I KNOW NOTHING!!! I KNOW NOTHING!!! I KNOW NOTHING!!!" Peter screamed, armoring up and covering his face with his arms in a gesture of raw terror.  
  
"Scott..." Jean growled. "You had better run away now."  
  
"Good idea." Scott squeaked in fright. He was off like a shot. The X-Girls charged after the X-Men's leader, intent on tearing him limb from limb. "HELP ME!!!!"  
  
"VIRUS!!!!" A voice roared.  
  
"Aw c'mon!" Virus moaned. Zanya stomped to the modified chicken. "There you are, you sick monster! Get out of that chicken or I will pull you out!"  
  
"You know, I'm getting really tempted to use these missiles to blast YOU, Zanya!" Virus snapped.  
  
"You do it, and Dad, Uncle Zandar, and Aunt Zarana will wring your turkey neck!" Zanya snapped back.  
  
"Uhm, Zanya? I'm right here." Paul waved. Zanya looked and blew Paul a kiss. She then turned to Virus with a glare.  
  
"You are so lucky he's alright." Zanya glared.  
  
"Oh shut up, you over-pierced lovestruck witch." Virus grumbled under his breath. The Joes walked in.  
  
"Hello, Zanya. Virus." Bulldog punched his palm. "I've been wanting a rematch."  
  
"As have I." Storm took to the air, thunder crackling in her hands.  
  
"Oh shoot." Virus groaned. Storm fired a thunder blast from each hand, one hitting Virus, the other hitting Zanya.  
  
"KIYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!" Virus and Zanya screamed. Zanya fainted. Virus was knocked out of the chicken, into a heap on the floor. Bulldog grabbed the mutant hacker.  
  
"Huh...?" Virus moaned.  
  
"Have a nice flight, you little geek!" Bulldog pitched Virus up into the air, then socked him in the jaw. The punch sent a screaming Virus flying. A couple of Tabby's bombs rolled up to the chicken, making it explode. It sent a scorched Zanya flying.  
  
"Hoo boy." McGee fainted.  
  
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(Mann's Chinese Theatre, Hollywood, California.)  
  
It was the premiere of "Evil Space Chickens VI: The Chickens Return". Celebrities came out to witness the new film. The Joes and the X-Men were there as well, clad in their Sunday best.  
  
"Whooo-yeah!" Sam crowed. "We are the best!" Sam was clad in a tux that had a blue jacket and pants, white shirt, and black bowtie.  
  
"Uh-huh!" Jamie grinned in agreement. His suit was gold, with black sleeves and a silver tie.  
  
"Man, this is fantastic!" Jean smiled, clad in a red dress, as she looked at the marquee: "Evil Space Chickens VI: The Chickens Return. Starring the Misfits." The Misfits arrived in a long white limo. Wanda wore a red dress, and Althea chose a blue one. Todd had a green tux, Pietro teal, Blob gray, and Xi wore a yellow one. Another limo arrived: A long black one with The Superstars' logo along the sides.  
  
"And here they are, the hottest band in the world! Paul, John, Lance, and Craig, THE SUPERSTARS!!!" A female entertainment reporter squealed into a microphone. The quartet emerged from the limo, clad in their band costumes and makeup. The girls started cheering and the guys started hooting.  
  
"I love you, Paul!"  
  
"You guys rock, man!"  
  
"You guys kick butt!"  
  
"Marry me, John!" The screams and hollers continued as the band joined their friends.  
  
"This is awesome! I mean totally tubular!" Paul whispered excitedly.  
  
"No kidding." Tabby agreed, clad in orange. Dirk McGee made his appearance. A reporter ran up to him.  
  
"Mr. McGee, you have done it again! Evil Space Chickens VI, like its five predecessors, is a hit! Do you have anyone to thank?"  
  
"Well, yes." McGee grinned.  
  
"He's gonna thank me! He's gonna thank me!" Pietro grinned excitedly.  
  
"I'd like to thank myself, because only I have the creative vision to create this film!" McGee grinned. The X-Men, Misfits, and Joes' jaws dropped.  
  
"THAT EGOMANIAC!!!" Scott, Pietro, and Shipwreck roared. The three tried to jump the director, intent on beating him senseless, but the others held him back.  
  
Oh, McGee had better run! Anyway, thanks for reading my fic! Hope to see you all again! This is L1701E, signing off! 


	10. Humiliation on TV! PSA gone wrong!

Hollywood Hijinks!  
  
To Wizard1: Hope Craig don't catch ya! Here's hopin' Beach Head don't find ya either.  
  
To JCKIDSMART: Here's your humiliating Kelly! A short little special epilogue! I almost forgot about this! *laughs sheepishly* It includes why I think Kelly hates mutants.  
  
To RogueFanKC: Yeah, that episode was the inspiration for this whole fic!  
  
Chapter 10: Humiliation on TV! PSA gone wrong!  
  
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"And now, a message from United States Senator Robert Kelly." An announcer said, as the TV displayed the seal of the United States Senate. Kelly appeared, smiling, in a suit, and behind a podium.  
  
"Good evening, my fellow Americans. I'd like to address..." He was interrupted by the sound of a door slamming and some voices.  
  
"Hey, Kelly yo!"  
  
"How ya doin'!"  
  
"Oh no." Kelly moaned as Toad and Paul appeared on the screen.  
  
"Hey folks! Sorry folks, but we thought you'd like to hear something else besides the average boring political speech that in the end, no one really understands." Paul grinned. He patted Kelly's back. "Look, if you want the people to like you, they have to get to know you."  
  
"PICTURE TIME!!!" Todd held up a stack of photos.  
  
"Oh no..." Kelly moaned.  
  
"Fist, you gotta show baby pictures." Paul grinned. Todd put a digitally- altered photo on the camera's view. It was the classic baby-on-a-bearskin, with Kelly's head on it. He showed the photo for a few seconds, then put it away. Kelly looked traumatized.  
  
"Now show 'em a high school photo." Paul said. Todd held up a photo of a teenage Kelly. His face had the WORST case of acne ever, and he looked real drunk. "That's his senior class photo, believe it or not folks." Paul told the viewers.  
  
"Oh God." Kelly murmured.  
  
"Okay, now let's see you..." Paul noticed something. He looked behind the podium. "Dude, you forgot to put pants on."  
  
"What the--?" Kelly looked down and he blushed with embarrassment. "Aw shoot." Todd shook his head in shame.  
  
"Yo, just because you're standing behind a podium, that does not give you the right to prance around in your boxers."  
  
"I DO NOT PRANCE!!!" Kelly snapped.  
  
"Not according to this footage!" Paul grinned.  
  
"Play it, Sam!" Todd grinned. Amateur video played of a drunken Kelly skipping around a park, singing some drunken song. It showed a couple cops running up to him and trying to restrain him. The video stopped suddenly. "We can't show anymore because Kelly says some real bad stuff about those cops' mothers."  
  
"This is not happening..." Kelly moaned.  
  
"Of course, there's this famous rant." Paul added. "Play it Sam!" Another amateur video played, this time Kelly in Cleveland. He was claiming that Kid Razor was a mutant. He was behind chicken wire, because the people watching were booing and throwing stuff, including chickens. Kid Razor appeared, sneaking up behind Kelly, and tapping his shoulder. When Kelly turned, Razor nailed him with a superkick. The tape ended.  
  
"THAT WAS NOT FUNNY!!!" Kelly roared at a laughing Paul and Todd.  
  
"Okay, let's show him at graduation!" Todd laughed. Another video played. It was of Kelly's high school graduation. The principal held out the diploma. A drunk, stoned Kelly staggered on the stage, and kissed the principal before snatching the diploma. Kelly staggered and slurred and burped.  
  
"Hey lady." He pointed to a teacher. "Come over here and give me a" The tape stopped.  
  
"We can't show anymore." Paul grimaced. "It gets rather...uh..."  
  
"Too intense for family audiences?" Todd suggested.  
  
"Yup." Paul nodded. "Your parents were reeeeeal proud, Kel. Can I call you Kel?"  
  
"Oh God why?" Kelly moaned. "Why won't you monsters leave me alone?"  
  
"Because you're a jerk, and a bigot." Todd answered.  
  
"Not the loveable Archie Bunker-type of bigot." Paul added.  
  
"Thank you Paul. We're talking the mean type. You say all mutants are bad." Todd added.  
  
"Well, aren't you?" Kelly asked.  
  
"No, you dope!" Todd snapped. "We're actually good folks. Chicks love Paul." Paul beamed proudly. "He don't have a little black book, yo. He got a big black encyclopedia."  
  
"Why do you hate mutants, Kel?" Paul wondered.  
  
"Because you're all monsters and genetic abominations." Kelly replied.  
  
"Not according to this!" Todd grinned. Another amateur video played. It was Kelly in his hotel room, with a bottle of scotch.  
  
"It's not fair!" Kelly moaned with a slur. "How come dem mutants get it made! I mean they gets all sorts of cool powers and stuff! Me? I can't even get girls! The kid with the purple thing on his eye, he gets hundreds of girls in his sleep! It's not fair! It's not fair!" The tape stopped.  
  
"In case you all need a translation, that means he's jealous, yo." Todd laughed.  
  
"Kel?" Paul noticed Kelly had fainted. "Kel? Kel?? Hello." He gave Kelly a light kick.  
  
"Anyway, this is Todd Tolensky." Todd waved.  
  
"And I'm Paul Stanley Starr." Paul waved. "Hope you enjoyed our little presentation! Hey Todd, how about you grab Al and I get the X-Babes, and we go to that club over in London?"  
  
"Cool, yo!" Todd and Paul ran off.  
  
Hope you enjoyed the little special epilogue! This is L1701E, hoping to see you all soon!! 


End file.
